Akio Yokota Diary

October 6, 2011

Link to audio version, read by Masako Suzuki Akeo:

http://lbp-nerima.bitsow.com/LBPJ/Yokota/Yokota.html

Final entries in diary of Akio Yokota, a left-behind Japanese father who committed suicide on September 11, 2011, provided and translated by Masako Suzuki Akeo.

Akio Yokota Diary

今日は落ち着かない。

Restless mind Today  

 2011年08月31日15:00 死にたい。

I want to die.

土曜にしてみよかな。

I am thinking to try on this Saturday.

せっかく手に入れた薬。

Already I got the medicine.

それでも死ななければ、生きないといけない宿命なんでしょうね。

If I fail to die, I resign myself to my fate and I should live.

またや… 

Again

2011年08月31日15:05

ケガをした“2歳”女児置き去り、虐待か

Somebody left a 2 year old girl who was injured. Is she abused?

http:// news.mi xi.jp/v iew_new s.pl?id=172594 2&media _id=88

なんで虐待するの?

Why was she abused?

その神経がわからない。

I can’t understand their feelings.

子供に罪はあるのか?

Are children in fault?

親でない親は死んでくれ。

I wish such stupid parents would die.

もう自信がでない。

Lack of confidence 

2011年09月01日12:50

やっぱり私は死ぬのが似合うようです。

I think my death will be suited in this real world.

息子のことでがんばって生きてきたつもりですが、やっぱり無理なようです。

I have lived for my son but I knew it is impossible for me.

仕事もなんだか失敗するし、日常生活も安定しないし。

When I work in my work place, I make many mistakes. My life is unstable.

いろんな意味で身体に無理がきてる。

I think my health and mental problems are the reasons

同じように精神的にも。

ちゃんと死んだあとのことを書いておかないと。

I should leave my will.

真面目に限界。

I’m near the end of my life-span.

今日は昨日以上に落ち込んでる。

Today I feel worse than yesterday.

頼むから…

Please

2011年09月01日19:19

田んぼに新生児を捨てた疑い

Somebody put the new born baby in a rice farm.

http:// news.mi xi.jp/v iew_new s.pl?id=172786 0&media _id=4

もうこんな話辞めにして。

Please do not do that anymore.

子供を引き取ることができない私のような親や、子供がほしくてもできない人達が沢山いるのに、人間性を疑う。

I question someone’s character. Please think about us who cannot raise our children and.

ほんとにさぁ…裁判所も、母性優先とか監護の継続性とか辞めようよ。

Please stop giving the mother sole priority and child custody in the court.

こんなのばかり見てたら、そんなん必要ないと思うわ。

After I read this news, I thought we do not need to keep giving the mother sole priority and custody

方法

The method

2011年09月01日19:24

始業式前 中1女子が飛び降り?

Before a school opening ceremony, a girl in the second grade of junior high school jumped to her death.

http:// news.mi xi.jp/v iew_new s.pl?id=172742 3&media _id=4

死にたい人の気持ちは異常なくらいわかる。

I can understand the feeling of someone who commit suicide.

同じだから。

I am same as them.

でも方法がね。

I am thinking of the method.

飛び降りかぁ…ホントに意識失うんかなぁ。

If I jump to my death, will I be unconscious?

うちはとにかく薬と、首吊りのダブルやな。

In my case, I want to use medicine and hang myself.

とかく、早く死にたい。

I want to die as soon as possible.

来週、面会交流の日…息子を抱きしめたいな。

I have visitation on next week and I want to hug my son.

でもそれまでもつのかどうか…。

However, I am not sure if I’ll be alive until the next visitation.

今日で任期を終える… 

Leave the chair on today

2011年09月02日17:39

江田法務大臣。

Justice Minister Eda.

次だれ?

Who is the next?

またハーグの件も、国内の連れ去りも一から?

Will The Hague Convention and Domestic Child Abduction start over again?

次になる人がフェミニストじゃないこと祈るわ。

I wish the next Justice Minister will not be a Feminist.

江田法務大臣よりも、活発的に、連れ去り禁止をもっと全面に出してほしい。

Please consider Child Abduction.

一方的な子供の連れ去りは、拉致誘拐だと。

Child Abduction is Kidnapping.

あるお方からのご意見です。

Opinion from other people

2011年09月02日22:52

ポリ袋に新生児入れ田んぼに

Somebody put the new born baby in a plastic bag and put the baby in a rice field.

http:// news.mi xi.jp/v iew_new s.pl?id=172786 0&media _id=4

私もこれには賛同できるので、コピペをさせて頂きました。

I copied and paste this story on my

website.

少しでも不幸な子供が減りますように…。

I wish this situation becomes less

frequent.

もし産める状況であるならば、産んで欲しいです。

If they can deliver the baby in this world,

they could put the baby up for adoption.

育てることができないのなら、どうしても子どもを持てない夫婦に託してください。

あなたのお腹を借りて、彼らのために授かった子なのかもしれません。

以下養子縁組に関するサイトです。

あなたがこの妊娠はあきらめることにしても、あなたの決断なので尊重します。

If you give up your pregnancy, I can respect your decision.

もしまた誰かが同じような悩みを抱えていたら、どうぞ教えてあげてください。

If somebody has same problems like this, please let them know these website.

★赤ちゃんを救う会★  Save The Babies

http:// www2.od n.ne.jp /~cae26 630/wa004.html

★環の会★ Circle Meeting

http:// http://www.wa- no-kai. jp/

★小さないのちを守る会★ Save the Children

http:// http://www.chi isana.o rg/

★愛の決心★ Cords of Love

http:// http://www.jes us-fami ly.jp/a doption.html

★ベビーライフ★ The Baby Life

http:// http://www.bab ylife.o rg/inde x.html

★ISSジャパン★ ISS Japan

http:// http://www.iss j.org/

★アクロスジャパン★ Across Japan

http:// http://www.geo cities. jp/mama s5papas /

★慈恵病院紹介の24時間相談所です。★ round the clock counseling in the Jikei Hospital

http:// http://www.jik ei-hp.o r.jp/yu rikago/3-1.htm l

0120-783-449( 悩みよ 至急 )

24時間無料電 round the clock toll free line

以上、お手すきの方、拡散願います。

Please spread to everybody

自分が子供を持ってみて、初めて赤ちゃんのかわいさを理解しましたよ。

I could understand the baby is very cute since I got my son.

こんなにかわいいものが、自分の体からでてきたもんとは思えない。

How much I love my son. I cannot think that my son came from by body.

本当に授かりものだと思う。

This is a gift from god

今日息子と血がつながっていないことがわかっても、私の生活は何にも変わらない。

If I am not related to my son by blood, my life does not change.

誕生のその時から、彼をずっと見てきたから。

I have seen my son’s growth.

血のつながりなんて些細なことだよ。

I do not care about blood relationship.

先日も里子里親の残念なニュースがあったばかり。

The other day the news announced very sad story between foster child and foster parents.

私は里親制度よりも、特別養子の仕組みをもっと活用できるようにすべきと思う。

I think newAdopted Child System is better than Traditional Adoption by Mutual Consent.

I think the new Specialized Adoption System should be put into use more, rather than the traditional one.

捨てられるくらいなら、最初から養親のもとで育てられた方がいいと思う。

If somebody wants to put the child somewhere they should send them to an adopton center.

そりゃ真実を知った時、子はショックなことかもしれない。

If a child find out the truth about their past they will be shocked about that situation

でも確かな親子関係があるなら、乗り越えられると思う。

However it wouldn’t matter if they have a strong relationship with their new parents

とあるサイトで見かけたエピソードをひとつ。

I found this article on a website.

実親は未成年の女の子。母親の恋人に暴行され、誰にも相談できずに生理が止まった。

This mother was minor. She was raped by her mother’s boyfriend. She could not tell to anybody and she missed her period.

暴行の事実を早く忘れたいのに、どんどんお腹は膨らんできて。。。

She wanted to forget her situation but her tummy was getting bigger.

特別養子を扱う団体にすがる思いで連絡をした。

She contacted an organization for Adopted Children Center.

すぐに団体に身を寄せた。

She moved to this center quickly.

そして彼女は子を産んだ。中絶は不可能な週数だったから。

Then she delivered the baby. It was too late to have an abortion.

彼女は子の顔も見ることもなかった。

She has never seen her own baby.

帝王切開の傷だけは、暴行の事実を一生残した。

The Caesarean scar left a reminder of the assault.

傷を見るたびに、悲しい気持ちになった

When she saw her scar, it made her sad.

それでも、生まれてきた子は裕福な夫婦に引き取られ、日々笑顔の中で成長している。

I think this baby maybe happy in the future, a rich family may take him and he has a good life

子供は捨てるなよ。

Do not throw away children.

神様はコウノトリの交通整理しちゃくれないんだから、こっちでやるべきことをやらないとなんないんだから。

God cannot control a parent-child problem. We should do this in the real world.

もう前向きには 

No more positive

2011年09月04日21:25

ちょうど一年前、妻とは一度目の別居をし、楓と二人で生活をしていたのを思い出します。

We have been separated for one year now. I have memories of when my son and I lived together alone.

そして妻からのメールで”戻りたい”と連絡があり、元に戻った時のことを。

I recall the day when my wife asked to come back to live together with us.

そしてその2か月後連れ去りに。

I agreed but 2 months later she abducted my son.

今は全く逆。

Now the situation is opposite and she lives with my son and I am alone.

私が”戻りたい”と言っても無視。

I asked her to live together again. But she ignored.

あげくメールや電話番号を隠されている(電話番号はわかりましたが)

She refused to give me her email address and phone number , but I know her number anyway.

いろいろ考えましたが、やはり前向きにはなれないですね。

I am thinking about many things but I do not see a food outcome.

自殺の方法ばかりみています。

Now I am checking how to kill by myself,

全身麻酔薬や筋弛緩剤などは手に入ってる。

I have general anesthetic and a muscle relaxing fluid.

でも使わない・・・なぜだろう・・・前の職場に迷惑かけちゃうからかな。

But I do not use of that one.,,,,,,,, because…….. the police will investgate of my hospital where I work.

首つり・・・太い配管があるので、そこで体重をかけてみましたが、ミシミシ・・・っと音が鳴り、無理っぽい。

I tried to use a towel to hang myself from a thick pipe earlier, but all I heard was q squeaking sound.

なぜ死ねないのか。

I thought to myself why de cannot I die.

死んだら周りに迷惑とか関係ないんだけどな。

If I die, I would not be a problem for everybody anymore.

当分これで苦しまないといけないのか。

How long should I suffer from this problem

死んだとき用に、死んだら、ここには連絡を入れてほしいリストを作成しておいた。

I have prepared a list of people to contact when I die.

幸せってなんだろう?

What is happiness?

子供を自分の力で大きくし、育て、人生を大きく羽ばたかせてやることがうちの一番の幸せかな。

My happiness is raising my son.

また家族3人で暮らせることだろうか・・・。

I am wondering if I can live together with my wife and son again.

うちの妻はまだ意固地になってますしね。

My wife is still adamantly saying no.

ホント助けてほしいです。

Really please help me.

うちが一年前、妻を受け入れた時のように。

I wish she would accept me like I accepted her one year ago.

そういや、今は携帯のキャリア関係なしで電話番号だけでメール送れるんでしたっけ?

I am wondering, if I know her cellphone number can I send a message to her?

誰かSな方、メールをたくさん送って、うちの妻を虐めてみませんか?w

I wish I can find somebody to harass her by sending a lot of emails to her cell phone and make her wake up.

っていうか、本当にそろそろ目を覚ましてほしいです。

このままでは子供は幸せには絶対になれない。

In this situation my son is never going to be happy.

妻母からの電話。

I got a phone call from my mother in law.

2011年09月05日08:28

朝、仕事に出る前に、妻の母から電話が鳴った。

Before going to my work, my mother in law phoned to me this morning.

「自転車で走行中、夏美と楓が車に当たり、事故にあったと」

She said that when Natsumi and kaede were biking, they had a car accident.

急いで仕事を休みにしてもらい、実家へ向かうことに。

Then I got day off and went to mother in laws house.

病院の名前は知らされていません。

She did not say hospitals name.

とにかく実家へ向かいます。

Anyway I will go there.

どうか楓だけでも無事なように…。

I wish just kaede will be ok.

結果はまた知らせます。

I will tell he is ok or not latar.

んで結果…

so

家にいました。

They were in her house.

義理母から、大丈夫だと。

Mother in law said that they were fine.

でも玄関までで、嫁が合わせたく無いし、会いたく無いから、帰ってほしいと。

My wife said to her that she does not want to see me and go home.

今週の面会交流は通常どおりするからって。

The next visitation will be as usual.

じゃあ、なぜ電話してきたか問うと、義理母は、私もパニック起こしてつい、娘に何も言わず連絡してしまった。

Then I asked to her why you phoned to me. So she replied I panicked and contacted you without my daughter’s permission.

まさか家までくると思ってなかったと。

I didn’t expect you to come here.

楓はほぼ無傷らしいが、嫁が擦過傷とか酷いみたいよ。

Your son was fine. But your wife got bruises and scratches.

そして、お母さんに聞かれた。

Then she asked me.

どうして調停中なのに、来られたんですか?

Why did you come here when we are still in mediation?

夏美を心配事してきたのですか?

Were you concerned about your wife or were you only worried your son ?

それとも楓だからですか?って。

両方です!

I replied both!

って話したけど。

虚しく帰ることにします。

I felt helpless, when I left from their house.

怒りが治まりません。

I cannot control my emotions and I feel so angry and frustrated.

楓の無事な姿一目でも見たかったけど、あまりの酷さに愕然です。

I only wanted to see my son for a few seconds. They said no, i was shocked, I felt dazed and weak like in was about to pass out.

今日のことで…。 

Today’s matter 

2011年09月05日14:48

今日の出来事が一連のことで心折らされた。

I decided to give up by Today’s matter.

やっぱり死にたい。

I want to die.

準備として、タオルを首に巻いて意識が飛ぶかかなりの圧力をかけてやってみた。

I pressured of my neck with towel.

首の骨がミシっと音が鳴った。

I heard the sound that my neck of the bone was cracked.

しかし意識は飛ばず、顔面の怒張と舌のしびれくらいしか起こらない。

However, I could not be unconscious and only my face and my tongue were numbed by this.

うちには首吊りは向いてないのかな…。

Hanging myself is not suited about me.

なぜみんなそんな簡単に首吊りで逝ける?

Why can everybody hang themselves very easy?

なんか今日も議員が一人首吊りして死んでたね。

I heard the diet member hanged himself today.

うらやましい。

I envy him.

なんだかね…希望が湧いてこないのよね。

My life is hopeless.

ハーグのことも進みそうだけど、あんまり期待はできないし、かつ国内の連れ去りなんて尚、希望薄い。

I cannot expect anything good from the Hague Convention. Furthermore, the Domestic Children Abduction Problem is hopeless.

ほんと日本って住みづらいなぁ。

Really it is difficult to live in japan.

しかし首が痛い。

My neck is in pain.

意識飛びそうだったら、そのまま逝きたいのに。

If I became be unconscious, I hope I leave this world.

こんな自分がやになってくる。

I hate me.

誰か殺してくれないだろうか?

Please kill me.

テレビで誰かが殺されたニュースなんて沢山してるけど、代わりに死んであげたいわ。

TV news announces about many murder cases. I can die instead of them,

つうか、もう助けてというか、どないかして。

Please help me. Please…..

トラウマ 

Trauma

2011年09月07日14:01

私、やっぱり無理です。

I am not o.k.

先日の妻の事故の件と、職場を変わって、看護より事務作業が多すぎて頭をついていかせるのが精一杯でジェネレーションギャップを感じています。

I felt lots of generation gap in my work place. Everything bothered to me, car accident, new work place, more office work, etc.

そしてトラウマも蘇り、お腹も下すし、仕事もこの二日寝れてないせいもあってか、思考回路も止まっています。

Furthermore, trauma is coming again, I cannot think about anything. So I could not sleep for 2 nights and I got diarrhea.

過去の連れ去りに合った直後と同じような状況です。

This situation is same as after child abduction.

そして今日、早退しました。

I got off my work today.

また未遂に終るかもだけど、死にたいと思います。

I want to die. I think I’ll attempt suicide again.

もう全てにおいて疲れた。

I am tired of everything

さようなら

Good

bye

2011年09月11日14:31

あんまりミクシィで書いても信憑性ないのかもだけど。

I think some of people believe what I’m saying about my story on mixi.

今日、面会交流してきました。

I met my son today.

やっぱりパパ誰かわかる?って聞くと、顔をそむけたり、暴れだしたり・・。

I asked him who is dad. My son did not look at me and he was against me.

子供はなんとなくわかってるんでしょうね。

He knows this situation.

気を使っているんでしょうか。

Is he worried about me?

そして妻の顔を遠くからですが、10ヵ月ぶりにみました。

I saw my wife for the first time in 10 month.

普通にしてましたわ。

She was same as before.

逆にオシャレしてました。

However, I thought that she became to be more fashionable.

先日はドルミカムとホリゾンを混合して静脈注射して2日入院しました。

The other day I mixed Dormicum and Horizon and administered intravenous fluids. So I stayed in a hospital for 2 days.

逝けると期待してたのに。

I was thinking to die at that time.

できれば全身麻酔薬を使いたくなかった。

I was hoping to not use general anesthetic.

手に入れたことを調べられるので、職場に迷惑かかると思ったんですが、やはりこの方法しかないとおもいました。

Although the police would investigate how I got this medicines and I would bother my work place, this is my only way.

みなさん、ミクシィはこのままにしておきます。

To everybody, I would like to keep MIXI like this.

心配してくださった方、心配していなかった方、どうでもよかった方。

To everybody.

みなさん、さようなら。

Good bye

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Final words from Akio Yokota

September 20, 2011

Thank you, Masako, for providing and translating this.

Akio Yokota, a left-behind Japanese father, committed suicide on September 11.

AKio Yokota Profile

My wife took my son in November 16th,

2010. Since then, I couldn’t contact then. One day I got a letter about divorce

settlement from Family Court. It said false DV, permission of abortion, financial

trouble, personal conflict and depression. On that’s time I was on medical

leave from job. It caused from depression.

Since then, I have tried to committed suicide

several times. I couldn’t get any evidence against DV and my wife didn’t have,

too. I filed about any other evidences in mediation. However, my wife said

everything was lie. 9 months after mediation, I met my son. We couldn’t see for

6 month. He didn’t remember father.

I have 2 hours visitation per month. My son

is 2 years old and still he doesn’t understand I am his father. My wife supposed

to not let give any visitation rights to me. I begged her about sleep-over visitation.

She refused to me. Then I begged 2 times visitation per month. She refused

this, too. She said this reason was my mental problem. My judge recommended to

have one more mediation about visitation and this judge said that I will give of

the court order 2 times visitation per month.

In my case, it is false DV.

I can raise my son. She can’t inculcate

moral to my son. It is very difficult to understand why she took my son from

me.

I was thinking to commit suicide many

times.

Still I am thinking now.

My psychiatrics doctor told me that if your son is coming

back, your depressions will be recovery.  He gave the medical certificate for me.

However, my life is hard.

I don’t have anything to live for.

I am smiling at my work. I haven’t left the house at my

day off. I remember my son and cry every day.

Kidnapping is crime and abuse.

Japanese law is nothing. The judge doesn’t think about

Children’s happiness.

Please give any good environment to our children.

Children are Japanese future.

Really I want to disappear from this world

I don’t have anything to live for and my life is

horrible.

Thank you for reading my profile.

Akio Yokota

http://crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/itn-jfayk.html

Akio Yokota, may you rest in peace.

This is the third reported suicide by a left-behind parent in Japan within the last year or so.  The other suicides involved Arnaud Simon, who took his life on November 20, 2010, and Christophe Guillermin, who committed suicide in June of 2010.

How many unreported suicide cases there are by left-behind parents being denied access to their children in Japan will never be known.


Arnaud Simon, Christophe Guillermin, may you rest in peace.  The French Embassy says there are 32 other French fathers suffering the same agony of being denied access to their children in Japan.

How many more must suffer and die before Japan takes some MEANINGFUL actions to address this problem?

http://www.fccj.or.jp/node/6293

Announcing a new Meetup for Left Behind Parents Japan!

WhatFujiko Goto Symposium and Street Demonstration in Ginza

When: Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:00 AM

Where: Shinbashi Fukushi Kaikan
6-4-2 Shinbashi Minato-ku 
Tokyo
03-3433-4006

To get the Parental rights and amendment to the Civil Code

I prepared a brief for my client on July 2007. He was the first client for me about trouble of divorce and children. Second client ended his life in suicide. October 30th is the anniversary of his death. After that trouble of divorce is increasing and becomes to change [abduction of spousal]. 
These destructions of the family are according to the manual. I felt these were preventing from the judicial systems. It means Japanese law doesn’t admit custody is not parental right. These problems caused from Japanese sole custody system. 
I would like to consider amending the Civil Code of the joint custody after divorce. 
[Custody=Parental Right] 

Symposium 1PM to 5PM 
Place Shinbashi Fukushi Kaikan: 6-4-2 Shinbashi Minato-ku 
Tel:03-3433-4006 
Fax:03-5473-7514 
Toei Mita Line 5 minutes walking from Onarimon Station 
JR Line 10 minutes walking from Shinbashi Station 
http://www.city.minato.tokyo.jp/sisetu/hukusi/kaikan/sinbasi/index.html
http://maps.google.co.jp/maps?q=6-4-2%20Shinbashi%20Minato-ku&hl=ja&rls=com.microsoft:en-US&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wl

Contents: 
Part 1: 
Attorney Fujiko Goto 
[The present situation and future prospects about custody battle] 

Part 2: 
Associate Professor of Taisyo University and Clinical Psychotherapist: Akira Aoki 
[Joint Custody and the Legal System] 

Contact 
Midori Kyodo Law Office 
TEL03-5925-2831/FAX03-5330-8886 

Street Demonstration

Time 11AM~12:00PM 

Starting Point Mizutani bashi Park 
1-12-6 Ginza Chuo-ku Tokyo 
http://lawrence.tokyobookmark.jp/e24619.html

Finishing Point:: Hibiya Park 
1-6 Hibiya Koen Chiyoda-ku Tokyo 
http://www.tokyo-park.or.jp/english/park/detail_02.html#hibiya

Contact 080-7015-2925

RSVP to this Meetup:
http://www.meetup.com/Left-Behind-Parents-Japan/calendar/15195866/